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best feeling in the world


I should get away from the internet.

Emo begets emo.

this time it's just people I know in life

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because there were too many things I couldn't answer last time.

The football game sucked, and we lost. I don't know if that really is bad or not, though.

And then on the way home John starts talking about aliens abducting the car and ghosts and stuff and so I was paranoid for the whole five minute drive from his house to mine. And then I slept.

And then I did nothing in theater. Nothing. The only thing I did do (glue my drawings of shirt to the paper) were completely optional. wtf.

art for once

I finally drew something I find meaningful.

but the scanner sucks so I'm not going to bother.

I just thought this was noteworthy.

(I have rediscovered nine inch nails)

Sep. 8th, 2005

I was reading through old entries, and there was always a sort of awareness to my depression.

Have I lost it? Or has it just become so integrated I don't see it any more?

I don't know.

I don't know if I miss it or not.

(is it a good thing to be happy in high school?)

Today (and some others) in Photog:

I get the camera and Mrs. Young tells me there is film in it.

I sit down and open the back, exposing the film. Stupid.

Film is exposed so I pull it out and realize it was pretty short anyway, so I roll a new cartridge and put it in my bag.

Get home and try to load camera. Discover that I rolled film backwards and will not go in camera. Go into bathroom, turn off lights, pull it out and re-roll it, but figure film is screwed as was not completely dark.

Take random pictures of cats (so as not to waste good pictures on crap film).

Go to lunch and take random pictures. Notice that camera is not advancing, but still allowing me to take pictures.

Realize I forgot to tape film to cartridge, and thus I now have an empty cartridge and a roll of film around spool on other side.

Get to Photog, go into darkroom and open camera back. Take out film and (despite handicap of not being able to alter ends) roll it perfectly onto spool.

Notice with my fingers that it is upside down (matte side up instead of glossy).

Think: fuck it.

Wait for Kaitlin to roll hers, and begin process.

Pour in developer. Start clock.

About a minute later realize clock has only moved five seconds. Try to time it with watch, but now figure film is doubly-fucked as is overdeveloped.

Pour out developer, pour in stop. Kaitlin, reaching for paper towels, knocks stop over. Goes everywhere. We use the rest of paper towels.

I begin to smell tacos. Realize vent is not on. We figure we have brain damage.

Film comes out almost completely black (somehow managed to get something like trees in one or two frames), as expected.

Go to lunch with John. Drop pennies everywhere, then forget lunch as I walk out of store.

Luckily John was there and was able to help. Somehow I managed to drive without dying.

Yay mishaps!
So I'm learning the thai king's anthem.

Today was fun.

That is all.
I spent most of today trying to keep my essence from leaking out my nose.

The other forty minutes was spent trying to understand what the hell shearhart was going on about.


And then in EM I made myself into a mermaid.

It isn't done, though.
I saw Acayla's thing at the Cabaret. It was pretty cool, except the line-forgetting, and funny aswell. Then Lindsay, Nicole, and I walked around and looked at the shops and I got this cool necklace that is a piece of china (like china dishes) that had been cut to fit a little frame. It is black and it has a black rose embossed on it.

My soul is dark like it.