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i love you but i guess it is not enough.

i get this sense of prediction

This feeling of loss.

This isn't what you or i need

but it is all i got.

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yesterday was spent drinking on a boat. it was fun. maybe i'll remember it forever.

(maybe i'll forget)

maybe memories are currency somewhere and i'll buy a kitten or a tortoise and give it a home, because this memory is worth more than others. i remember cleaning my room, too, and finding pieces of a necklace and that would be worth maybe a stick of gum.

and there are some that i would not sell at all. like this morning, and two days ago, and the hour i spent in that tree when edith came to find me and sat in my lap.

because i am the only one that remembers these things besides you, now, anonymous interentity, and i am the only one that cares.
I want to walk but my legs are tired.

why is this happening

..?Collapse )


Wake up and face me,
don't play dead, 'cause maybe
Someday, I will walk away and say;
You disappoint me,
Maybe you're better off this way.
Oh god. A New Year's resolution.


I guess I'm going to try to be more outgoing.

Or do well in school.

Or something else really vague.


Green Tea
Green Tea...
You are Green Tea!
Strong and very smart you prefer peace to violence
and very rarely take action if it involves
confrontation. But you make up for this with
your keen insight and understanding of the
world and people around you, you have a very
mysterious nature. Many people see you as laid
back and that may be true, but you are very
intelligent and make good decisions.

What type of Tea are you? {-With Anime Pictures!-}
brought to you by Quizilla

what the hell

I think it started out on a highway, and I was on a horse or in a car, on the side of the road. I got out to do something, and then came back to the car and there was someone there but somehow I got back in the car and then there was a cop and I was afraid he would think I was stealing it.


For some reason I was by myself, somewhere, like a hotel. Then I was in a mcdonalds, but they didn't have prices or anything on the menu, and there were almost no non-beef things. The lady gave me a special menu with just chicken because I told her that was all I would eat. I think the cat was with me then, because I remember wanting to buy something for it to eat, too. I only had 20 dollars, and I wanted pizza but it was like 30.

I remember being somewhere with my parents, and I had a horse, but it disappeared somehow. We were in like a dude ranch or a camp thing, but there was some sort of threat. Then this old woman (or at least she had let a note) somehow gave me this kitten. It was orange and white and a girl.

Then my parents and I tried to steal the dude ranch horses (I think mine was a bay) and escape from something. But the horses wouldn't listen, and while we were trying to escape I kept almost losing the cat, but every time I would either just hold on to it or I would find it again.

Then I was with Lyssa and dennis, and we escaped by hitching a ride on this eagle, which was huge, and it managed to drop us somewhere near kerrville on the only soft patch of ground I saw, right next to a road. I remember thinking this was lucky. We were near like this small cabin (like a public restroom) and a bamboo stand. Then we were in the mazda, driving towards kerrville. I said something about how I would be more relieved to be home after this than after canada. Lyssa and Dennis acted surprised.

In kerrville (I remember seeing the stoplight and that YO thing or whatever right before you turn) we stopped a a shop somewhere, and I was with my mom again. We went into this aisle and this woman was holding up a bomb (but it was a tampon) and then suddenly the cat was a tampon, too and I set it off and knocked the woman down with the explosion, and then the cat was a giant red rubberfoam phone with white cotton growing off of it like a beard, and I was pulling it off, and then I said 'your name is One-y. Do you like it?' and from behind me a voice said 'I love it' and there was a girl there, with long blonde hair.

I was holding a kitchen knife, asking why I had it, and lyssa said she had hidden the car in the bamboo because she thought we might need it. I could feel myself waking up at this point, and in the dream I knew it, and I told lyssa about the cat, and how it had been with us the whole time, but now because I was waking up it had disappeared, and I missed it. Then I lifted my arm, and the cat was on the other side, looking at me.

I don't think I'm going to get that theater thing done.
Yesterday was very fun. Today was not so much.

Monday I think I would like to eat alone, or relatively so. I wonder if they'd be okay with me dropping them off.

Because I can only take so much of this mindless banter, and I'm sick of not knowing. I don't see why I should feel guilty for things I am not sure I have done.

Today Psychology took a turn for the better, and theater a turn for the worse. I am 27th in my class, with a GPA of 3.4 and I don't know if I'll get in to UT or not. I mean, I said I would, but they'll hardly accept me simply because I said so.

I wish people would just speak their mind. I cannot respond to what you don't tell me.

my attention span

Ha.Collapse )

I think this adequately expresses my feelings for the day.

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May 2009


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